In the blog a few weeks ago, I shared the significance of February 24, 2011. Today, I wanted to share more of how that one day has influenced all the days since.
Recovery is not something that happens in a linear motion. It’s an ebb and flow. The ups and downs are not good and bad. They are moments. Some of those moments take us forward and others have us step back. All of the moments are what create our unique recovery story and each new moment is just as important as the last – no matter how high or how low it is. It matters.
I didn’t sit down on February 24, 2011 with some magazines and suddenly start a perfect recovery process – but, I had a moment. I had a moment where my mind began to question the negative messages I had been playing over and over again. I started to question the notion of whether or not I truly wanted to die. For the first time in a long time, I thought about tomorrow. I had hope that I was going to make it to tomorrow. There was a desire to see another day and a curiosity to see what it would hold for me that started to evolve. I was terrified, yes – but, choosing to enter the fight to stay alive.
Days passed. Weeks passed. I had little exposure to the outside world as I was in this period of deep introspection. I had no idea that the pages I had created with words and letters from magazines would later become published in a book I’ve named AFFIRMING ME, diminishing ed. There are far more imperfections in this book than the perfectionist in me can handle some days – but, it’s the raw reality that this journey is incredibly imperfect, yet it holds truth and beauty and hope.
The affirmations in this collection remind me on my worst days that there is a part of me that believes in something more. There is a part of me that sees truth. A part that is willing to show up and fight when the trials get to be too much. There is an affirmation that I, in all the imperfection, am worth the fight.
AFFIRMING ME, diminishing ed has become an opportunity to remind individuals that they deserve recovery. It serves as a reminder that it’s challenging and hard and painful – but that it’s worth it. In the moments that it’s hard to hear any other voice but the one that pulls us down into the mud, this book offers hope through an extension of true understanding of this journey and acknowledgement that this is not easy – but that it IS worth it.
If you would like to have a copy of AFFIRMING ME, diminishing ed, you can find it on our website. My hope is that you will heard, affirmed, and encouraged through the messages held within. Above all, my hope is that you will know – despite the ups and downs, the fears and unknowns – recovery has so much more to offer you than the pit of despair an eating disorder keeps you in. You are strong, worthy, and capable of fighting this battle and owning your own recovery story.
Emily Estes lives in Lincoln, Nebraska with her Goldendoodle pup, Miss Adley Mae. Recovery from her own struggle with an eating disorder, anxiety, and depression has led Emily to create community and resources to empower others on the journey. Emily owns Sage Nutrition, LLC where she serves as a Registered Dietitian. Her work revolves around her motto that "food is meant to nourish our bodies, not nurture us."